Alessandra Ambrosio popped out on an errand to… somewhere… in these red slacks, which I cannot parse. At first I thought they were snap-up pants, where she could pull them open to whatever height her sweat glands desired, but now I think they’re just pants with decorative grommets up their open sides. Which means she acquired them with the knowledge that they would always look like this, and do this, and… be this. Maybe they aren’t as irritating in action as they look like they would be, but it sure seems like all that extra fabric swinging around between her inner legs would be annoying as hell after a while. Do you think they came with shoelaces, so she can run them up the grommets and close them up again? Failing that, maybe we’ve finally found a use for that hideous white plastic dental floss — you know, the stuff that collects under the sink because no one goes home from an appointment without it, but nobody wants to use it unless they’re desperate. Swinging Groin Curtains might fall into that category.

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