Apparently, Julie Andrews had a variety show in the 1970s, which won seven Emmys… and then got cancelled after one season. That would never happen today. If you win seven Emmys, you get the proverbial six seasons and a movie. I have to assume it was expensive? For example, in the first episode, Julie does a skit with herself as Eliza Doolittle, herself as Mary Poppins, and herself as… herself. Plus they had lots of guests (there is an Angela Lansbury episode!). And on that tip, in episode 7, Julie had Diahann Carroll and Phyllis Diller on, paying tribute to the Big Band era and female performers in general. Naturally this is one of the episodes I cannot find online. I’m crushed. I need to hear whatever they are singing together in those two madly glamorous dresses. They could sing me to sleep. Seriously, ABC, I know it means you’ll have to pony up for some rights, but you have no other programming right now that isn’t Game Shows Where People Embarrass Themselves. Dig up some classics. Give us The Julie Andrews Hour at 10 p.m. after some classic General Hospital — I vote for Frisco Comes Back From The Dead And Skulks Around While His Brother Is Conveniently Blind, and then Robin and Stone, obviously — or that time on All My Children when Janet kept her twin Natalie in the well. Which I hope will entice NBC to toss up Marlena Is Possessed By The Devil from Days, or the Cruise of Deception, or Jack and Jennifer’s terrible Wild West wedding, or… listen, my ideas are expensive, but what ELSE have you got? We’re all diving into the archives now, friends. Dive FURTHER.

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