In addition to the MUCH we need to discuss within: you guys, WTF is happening with Riverdale? I really enjoyed the first season but this current season is A CRAZY MESS. I have NO IDEA what is even happening — at like a Season Four of Pretty Little Liars level, which is very serious indeed but perhaps not yet fatal — and also the lines they keep making these kids say are bonkers. I turned it on one night, and Cole Sprouse was forced to sincerely utter the words “Jingle Jangle” and “The Ghoulies” in the same sentence. Y’ALL. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE DIRECTLY LIFTED FROM THE COMICS. (FWIW, I’d also have said that you didn’t need to keep “Jug” as poor Jughead’s nickname. If you’d had his nickname be “Jay,” none of those other teen actors would have the Herculean task of looking mournful whilst calling someone “Jug.” Don’t you just think Luke Perry is secretly texting Jennie Garth, “you’re never gonna believe what they’re making these poor kids do”?)

PS: Sadly, it appears that Mark Consuelos was not present, nor was Robin Givens, and I do want to congratulate this show for very VERY adeptly casting the adult parts for Maximum Appeal To Gen X Viewers. Luke Perry AND Molly Ringwald in the same show? Why don’t you just have Thomas Calabro and Marcia Cross move to Riverdale in season three as the owners of a wig shop with secrets?

[Photos: David Buchan/REX/Shutterstock, Matt Baron/REX/Shutterstock]