Listen, I wholly appreciate any attempt to look dapper and well turned-out, avoiding the messy trucker caps and high-tops that look like giant pillows.
But Nick Jonas on the left up there looks like he stole those pants from a touring production of Death of a Salesman (and… I hope that’s a money clip of some ilk, or else there seems to be a tag on the back); Kevin in the middle looks like his collar is about to throttle him and might not be wearing any socks; and Joe…. well, for a second, I didn’t even recognize Joe. But once I correctly ID’d his head, my gaze traveled down to what appear to be some incredibly ill-fitting pants (that is more… er… Jonas Pelvis than I generally expect on a Tuesday) and a shirt that might actually be deeply hilarious, if I didn’t secretly fear that it’s the precursor to a Birds-style movie about how butterflies really resent our giant nets and scrapbooks and want to flutter our jugulars wide open. I am not really sure One Direction is going to find these guys terribly threatening to their Teen Girl dominance (there is a sandwich shop near me that lets people decorate their bags and hang them on the wall, and there’s an ENTIRE SECTION dedicated to “I *Heart* One Direction”), but then again, I’ve seen their hair, so maybe we should just throw all these dudes in a cage and make a supergroup out of the first four to get out intact.