Man. One inauspicious bump into Josh Duhamel’s lit cigarette, and Malin Akerman would’ve been starring in Crotch of Ages. HAHAHAHAHA. Oh my God. It’s too early in the week for me to be this embarrassing — if this is Monday, then by Friday I’ll have sunk to writing only filthy limericks and/or strange sounds spelled out in bizarre strings of consonants.

[Photos: Getty, WENN]