JUSTIN BIEBER: Come, my darling. Let’s show the world that you’re my baby, baby, baby, OOOOH.
SELENA GOMEZ: Sure, kid — I mean, Justin, my dearest love.
THE BIEB: I can’t wait to debut our passion to the world. I wore my very best shiny jeans for the occasion.
SELENA: Yes, you sure did.
THE BIEB: They reflect the depth of my glowing ardor for you. Specifically, that I am warm for your form.
THE BIEB: And you wore red, which means PASSION. Get ready for the engagement rumors!
SELENA: Oh, God. I wish I’d worn, like, a giant tube sock instead, so people would be talking about something else.
THE BIEB: What’s that, my tasty Biebette?
SELENA: Um, love you, uh, honey. Kiss kiss.