OLIVIA: Hey, Riley.

RILEY: Hi! Damn, you look cute. That dress is cool.

OLIVIA: It is, and I do. Thanks. And you look like Fraulein Maria made you a sports bra out of curtains but didn’t tell you how to wear it.

RILEY: Well. She did, actually.

OLIVIA: … say what?

RILEY: She did. Julie Andrews is an old family friend, She kept in touch with the original Maria Von Trapp, who I met once at a backyard barbecue in Tennessee. You should have seen her house a rack of baby back ribs.

OLIVIA: Holy shit, I had no –

RILEY: And she left Julie her dress patterns when she died, so Julie periodically sends small tokens of Von Trapp-based kitsch to the people in her life that she cherishes and whom Maria touched with her incredible spirit and her sauce-hands, I’m one of them and this is incredibly personally meaningful to me as a human being in the world. So.

OLIVIA: I’m so sor — wait, hang on. Sauce hands? Is any of that true?

RILEY: Yes, dammit, why would I lie about something that important?

OLIVIA: It’s just that –

RILEY: HA HA. Gotcha. Obviously it was made up. But wouldn’t that have been awesome?

OLIVIA: It really would have. It almost makes me like that sports bra.

RILEY: Almost.

OLIVIA: Almost.

[Photo: Zach Hilty/BFA/REX/Shutterstock]