Here’s the thing, Joan: I could never stay mad at you. In Love Island parlance, I feel like we are definitely vibing and that we have a solid connection, and no new islander could arrive who would change that. Not even these pants. I would accept them IF you announced your plans to star in Mamma Mia 3: How Can I Resist You. They are perfect for dancing around Greece, preferably with Cher and Andy Garcia. But as LIFE pants, my dearest Dame Collins, they horrify me to my very bones. Please come over and hurl me into a lily pond posthaste. I deserve it.