HEY BONNAROO, GUESS FRIGGIN’ WHO?
“IT’S ME AND MY BOO AND SHE’S FLASHING AT YOU IN A SHIRT THAT’S SEE-THROUGH ‘CAUSE HER SEX APPEAL IS TRUE AND IF THAT’S UNTRUE TO VOUS THEN JUST CHOKE ON YOUR HATE-STEW BECAUSE THOSE GOODS ARE THE GLUE THAT GIVE KANYE HIS WOO. I AM THE BECHAMEL, SHE IS MY ROUX. AND UNLIKE ON SCOOBY-DOO WE GET AWAY WITH IT, FOOLS, CAUSE YOU MEDDLING KIDS COULDN’T FIND A CLUE IF IT POUNDED A DEW AND DANCED SOME SOFT-SHOE ON THE BACK OF A GNU.
SHE IS MY WIFE WITH TWO GOBLETS OF LIFE WHOSE ELIXIR INSIDE IS NUTRIENT-RIFE AND ALSO THE WINE GLASSES ARE HELPFUL TO ME AS WELL. SO DEAL WITH IT.”
In a related note: People occasionally suggest that we stop covering the Kardashians — as in, if we want them to go away, why do we keep bringing them up. We do understand that argument, and for anyone who is still curious, here is my personal response:
The Kardashians wear INSANE CLOTHING, and this site is called Go Fug Yourself, and its mandate from the get-go was to cover self-inflicted hideousness. The Kardashians will someday be in the dictionary under “self-inflicted hideousness.” They did not exist as A Thing when we founded this blog, but they certainly embody the reasons we created it. Sometimes they make me want to snap, but mostly, I look back at some of their catastrophic fashion crimes and just laugh and laugh and throw a riotous tea party on my own ceiling. If we stopped covering celebrities who aggravate us, this blog would only ever be about, like, Pacey and Prince George and Emma Stone, and a rotating cast of two other people. That would be fun for a week and then we’d all get bored and start itching to rail about a good old-fashioned mesh shirt on a fame junkie. Y’all, I am still watching I “Wanna” Marry “Harry” so I can recap it here and we can groan about it together, because I love that. The Kardashians are the I Wanna “Marry” “Harry” of celebrities: I’m confused, I’m alarmed, and WHY CAN’T YOU DO IT BETTER MY GOD GET AHOLD OF YOURSELVES DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING, but who among us doesn’t enjoy a self-righteous tizzy sometimes, and frankly, I am enjoying laughing and tearing out my hair and cringing. I don’t see that as rewarding nor validating either Harry OR Planet Kardashia, particularly. You want to keep being our punch lines? BRING IT, FRIENDOS.