The Who: Olivia Culpo, former Miss Universe and ex-girlfriend of Jonas the Younger, star of some film called American Satan, participant in the current SI Swimsuit Issue, and cast member of the upcoming E! reality show Model Squad, in which ladies you haven’t heard of much — Shanina Shaik, Devon Windsor, and Olivia — “will chronicle the ‘hard work, dedication and perseverance’ that the ladies put forth in order to achieve their various successes — from Givenchy campaigns to Sports Illustrated covers — in addition to providing viewers with an insider’s glimpse into the high-stress nature of their jobs.” I assume they put “hard work, dedication, and perseverance” in quotes because they are also in question.

The What: Something by Rochas.

The When: Paris Fashion Week

The Why: I can only assume her boobs have opened their own theatre, and are about to star in a nippleacious staging of Cats whose curtain rises in two minutes. Alternate possibilities: She burned off her shirt in a curling iron accident and had to improvise; she is about to sit down and eat lobster; she’s an orthopedic surgeon AND a French Instagram personality and she doesn’t let one interfere with the other (TV show title: Oh Snap!).

The How: More like the yow.