I know this is not news. But that’s partly the point. During a read of a recent Us Weekly (which I often do — pictorially, on Stories — on our @fuggirls Instagram), it hit me that I don’t think Simon Cowell has bought a new item of clothing in at least a decade, if not two. And he’s so pleased with himself. Look at this. Has a dude who was not in Mamma Mia ever been so delighted about this outfit? Has a person’s pleasure at his own pants game ever been so inversely proportionate to its quality? Would it kill Simon Cowell to ditch the dismal duds and invest in even ONE well-tailored suit? He was walking to his girlfriend’s birthday dinner, and unless the theme was, “Dress in something as old as she is,” then he needs to develop a sense of occasion. Look what she wore:
Clearly this night was important to her, and clearly they were not just going to the nearest chip shop and then a bowling alley. So, Simon, from one crank to another: Stop strutting around like the cat who feasted on an aviary, throw those jeans down the nearest well, and BUY SOME FREAKING CLOTHES THAT AREN’T THE SAME AS ALL YOUR RATTY OLD ONES.
You’re not out of the woods either, Dinner Guest Robbie Williams:
While you appear to have tried harder, let’s be real, that’s got to be your pajama shirt. I’m watching you, sir.