The funniest part of either of these Gossip Girl episodes: when Rufus Humphrey sat on the couch giggling like a schoolgirl over Serena’s first blog entry, as if a) we can legit believe Serena has ever said or done anything funny, much less written it down ably; or b) we are incapable of pausing our TV on the screen shot of said entry, reading it ourselves, and judging Rufus either a terrible liar or a master of subtle sarcasm. But before we get to that screen shot, which I lovingly tried to snap for us all, there are a lot of clothes, some of which ARE NOT PANTS. AHEM. SERENA.

Plotwise: Sadly, Chuck did NOT get Blair Amnesia; instead, Blair lost the baby and then dumped Chuck because she made a pact with God that if he lived she would marry Louis. If she’s going to get all religious about it, doesn’t she think God would rather she didn’t make a mockery of it by marrying a guy she doesn’t love who has no personality? Who is she, Kim Kardashian? And she won’t waver because when she considered reneging, Chuck almost got hit by a taxi. Well, nudged, really. But still. Chuck is after the truth, and he teams up with Evil Priest of Monaco to stop the wedding. Evil Priest wants to stop it because Blair doesn’t like him and wants him gone; Blair’s sister-in-law wanted to stop it because she’s sleeping with Evil Priest and she wants the power that Louiiiiiiiiiiiiiis is going to have, but of course she decides she likes Blair and doesn’t want to hurt her. Meanwhile, Serena is pretending to date Dan because of boring plot reasons that have to do with Blair hiding from Louiiiiiiiiiiiiis that Dan was helping her go to Church blah blah blah Chuck; Dan wants to write another book and nobody cares (meaning, us); Nate learns that his dumb cousin caused the limo crash because he meant to nail Nate, then quits The Spectator because Grandfather zzzzzzzzzz who cares; Serena writes a “good” first blog entry and then quits for zzzzz reasons; and Blair decides she’s right to marry Louiiiiiiis — for the EIGHTIETH TIME — because she found the vows he wrote and they get right into her soul. So of course, we find out Dan wrote them. Poor Dan. You know the show thinks he’s boring when he’s flagrantly in love with Blair and they’re not even PRETENDING she could love him back.

Tags: Gossip Girl