No rest for the fuggers: The Sweet 16 comes your way Thursday and Friday, and now that voting is closed, we can reveal who’s forging ahead into the next round.
This is the bracket whose lower seeds scored some epic upsets.
No. 1 KIM KARDASHIAN vs. No. 13 KATE WALSH (Thursday)
For some reason, even though Kate Walsh was my hot upset pick to make it this far, I didn’t actually DO THAT on my own bracket. DUMB. I don’t know if she has the mojo to topple the House of Kards, which has run roughshod through the competition — most recently dispatching Jena Malone and her panty dress with a massive 93 percent of the vote.
No. 2 JENNIFER LOPEZ vs. No. 14 KEKE PALMER (Friday)
In real life J.Lo would probably eat her alive and then pick her teeth with Keke’s bones. In fake life… it might be a tight figh
I love it when a bracket comes together — in this case, and in Charo, and almost in Madonna, all the top four seeds made it this far, which means we placed them pretty darn well.
No. 2 MILEY CYRUS vs. No. 3 CHARLI XCX (Thursday)
Neither woman had any trouble delivering a swift boot to the competition’s booty. Adios, Katy Perry; sayonara, Melissa George. These two have a date with destiny. Or in Charli’s case, with Destiny, as that is Miley’s actual given name.
No 1. LADY GAGA vs. No. 4 KATE HUDSON (Friday)
Gaga had no trouble with Nicole Richie; Kate Hudson struggled more mightily against Rosario Dawson, but ultimately collected 53 percent of the vote and got through.
No. 1 RITA ORA vs. No. 4 IGGY AZALEA (Thursday)
Rita trounced Christina Hendricks, and Iggy eked out a two-percent victory against the surprisingly sturdy play-in winner Irina Shayk.
No. 2 KAT GRAHAM vs. No. 3 LINDSAY LOHAN (Friday)
In my bracket, I picked Ciara, because I overestimated Fug Nation’s tolerance for Kat Graham’s wacky antics. I also picked Lindsay, but when I was writing the battle royale against Chrissy Teigen, I honestly sold myself on Chrissy — and was so surprised it was an 80-plus percent majority for LiLo. Fug Nation, you are full of ticklish surprises.
No. 3 JESSIE J vs. No. 7 KENDALL JENNER (Thursday)
Kendall pulled the 55-45 upset over Chloe Grace Moretz
No. 1 RIHANNA vs. No. 4 ROSE McGOWAN (Friday)
Rihanna very nearly didn’t make it. She spent much of Tuesday deadlocked with Cara Delevingne — at one point they were six votes apart — but then pulled away and won it by a slim two-percent margin. I love Fug Madness.