Behold, the five winning entries in this week’s Freaky Fug Friday contest!

By Cassie:
Elephants on my hips
Baby, try to watch my lips!
Fishnets make it feel
Like the perfect 90′s hooker deal!

By Lupe:
I’m a rhinestone cowgirl
with Britney’s fishnet thighs
Alexis Carrington’s pearls
and Taylor Momsen’s eyes.

By Soronia:
Your love creeps like my shorts
Blinging toward my sternum
But my love is like denim and pearls:
I wish I could return ‘em.

By Lena Lamont:
Sky high booty and low rise booties
Take a look at this bling and a peek at my goodies
Can you feel the Hazzard, honey?
Cuz I’m givin’ Daisy Duke a run for her money.

By AlmostBluefin:
Oh, Daddy Warbucks don’t be mad
I stole this jewelry from your granny,
You can’t resist these jazzy hands
‘Cause I’ll always be your Annie.

An excellent handful of winners from an excellent pool of submissions! Enjoy your copy of Gretchen McNeil’s new book, Possess -- and check your email so we can get your mailing address!