‘Twas the 2016 Emmys, and all through my abode
rang the shrieks of my soul when I saw Bag o’ Woe.
Anna Chlumsky, so cheery, so merry and bright,
Had donned a Siriano that did NOT look all right.
Too short and too long in all the wrong places,
And an elastic-snug hem lest she try to escape it.
Her charm is considerable, but try as she might,
She couldn’t conceal that this frock was a blight.
“Christian?” we blubbered. “How can it be so?
Was he doing peyote? We really must know.”
The designer declined to offer specifics
beyond that the fabric and cut were both her picks.
We searched and we searched for a redeeming quality,
And decided perhaps it was meant as a comedy.
Sadly, “gut-busting” would describe only the ache
That Christian may have felt when he couldn’t pump the brakes.
We imagine him home, chugging Milk of Magnesia,
And wailing, “Please GOD, give them fashion amnesia.”
So sorry, my friend, but your luck’s not all hard –
You’re still getting an A on your cosmic report card.