As we were exiting the red carpet around 4:55 p.m. — about ten minutes after it closed to arrivals, with pretty much everyone safely inside — we walked up behind a blonde who was lingering in front of photographers. We thought maybe it was just a really fancily dressed on-camera person for, like, Extra, or something, who was sticking around for her moment in the sun. But then we walked past her and saw that it was a toe-tapping Julianne Hough. “I’m just waiting for him to finish,” she said, jerking her head toward Ryan Seacrest’s E! booth. I used the opportunity to ogle her as best I could — for you, Fug Nation, FOR YOU — and my conclusion then is the same one I’m about to make: This dress is very pretty, and totally unflattering on her.
Not helping: her hairdo (which was much cuter at Fashion Week — I love the bob on her, but not like this), and the fact that her face has a ton of makeup on it and yet somehow none of it is actually enhancing any of her features. This seems ill-advised. It’s like putting on expired sunscreen: goopy, unhelpful, and ultimately not worth the time. The whole enterprise is like a doomed parade float driving itself into the sea to rejoin its mer-forebears.