Okay, I know I say this a lot, and sometimes it’s quasi-exaggeration, but now, like the Boy Who Cried Wolf at the end of, er, crying wolf, I seriously really mean it:

I HAVE SEEN THIS ON DYNASTY. LITERALLY. I am quite sure that Krystal Carrington was wearing this one night when she wandered downstairs to avoid Blake’s ham-handed attempts to make sweet awkward love to her on a bearskin rug and she accidentally walked in on Alexis stealing some kind of boring oil pipeline blueprints from Blake’s never-secured office, blueprints that just happened to be right next to a file folder full of incriminating information about someone’s secret baby, and then Krystal acted all PUT UPON and INTRUDED ON and Alexis said something fabulously cutting and mean while sticking the incriminating evidence under her fur turban, and then they had a bitch fight and Krystal’s hair all got burned off.

Well, I don’t think the hair-burning off part ever happened, because I’m pretty sure Linda Evans’s head was shellacked in a flame-retardant ointment so it kept its shape. But seriously, all the rest of that HAPPENED IN THIS VERY JUMPSUIT.

Tags: Rita Ora