Wow. God bless the Total Recall premiere, because other than that, it is thin on the ground out there, folks. Everyone, much like us, appears to be holed up inside watching water polo and judo and women’s soccer by day, and then spending the night with Bob Costas and a bottle of wine and some naked man abs. Clearly, I cannot blame them. But it means we have to dig a little deeper here at GFY. So let’s try and make it interesting, at least, and see if you can figure out who’s wearing this.

Truly, this is a beautiful and timeless garment — a collector’s item, a gallery piece. Observe the high-quality denim, genuine square-shaped interior pockets, and exemplary structural integrity of this remarkable piece of denim. The ratio of fabric to skin is in the covetable 60-40 zone, the zipper is covering up the labial zone with an almost-perfect success rate, and each worn strand of fabric is soft as the hair of an electrocuted angel. We may never see its equal.

And of course, the owner is one Lindsay Lohan, wearing their sacred dereliction like the badge of honor. Elizabeth Taylor would be so proud, don’t you think? It’s JUST the sort of thing our Liz loved to wear. I’m sure she came to Lindsay in a dream: “These have always brought me luck,” she doubtless said through a gauzy filter, chucking these denim strands onto Dream Lohan’s poker table and then disappearing in a cloud of jasmine and wealth.

[Photos: Splash]