“Hey, world:

**EXCLUSIVE**Sexy Heidi Montag takes a lonely dip in the Pacific Ocean in a stunning bikini at her Costa Rican hideaway

“Don’t know how the paparazzi found me, hanging out alone in Costa Rica, all by myself, all sad and thoughtful and reflective on this random foreign deserted beach, ALL ALONE, just being all PENSIVE and boobtacular, I SINCERELY DIDN’T KNOW ANY OF THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NO I DID NOT….”

**EXCLUSIVE**Sexy Heidi Montag takes a lonely dip in the Pacific Ocean in a stunning bikini at her Costa Rican hideaway

“OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING MY BOOBS ARE POPPING OUT THIS IS SHOCKING I’M SHOCKED I TELL YOU SHOCKED ALSO DID YOU NOTICE THAT I MIGHT HAVE SOMEONE PUT MY OLD NOSE BACK ON DON’T TELL ANYONE! Okay, thanks for coming, guys! Spencer’s hiding behind that tree over there. He’s got your paychecks.”