CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY: It’s true. I’m still alive.
KENZIE DALTON: I can’t BELIEVE we’re still “engaged.”
CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY: I also can’t believe I am still engaged to the teen extra I started dating before my annulment from Sophia Bush was even finalized, especially considering it’s been six years. Yes. It is true that I, Chad Michael Murray, find that unbelievable.
KENZIE: Because you thought for sure we’d be married by now?
CMM: Mostly because I thought I’d be on wife number 3 right now. Some other co-star. Maybe Hilarie Burton before she ran off and had a secret baby with Jeffrey Dean Morgan or even Ashley Benson. Yes. Ashley Benson was a strong contender even thought she didn’t know it. Why haven’t I managed to trade you out for the next one yet, I wonder? I do keep wondering that. But I haven’t. And that is probably why we’re not married although it might be mean for me to confirm that. But enough about you and your flapper outfit, let’s talk about me and how I look irritatingly pretty good in this.
KENZIE: YOU DO. I love you.
CMM: Yeah, baby, I know. And my hair doesn’t look as terrible as it has in the past.
KENZIE: I’m glad I talked you out of getting The Dan Scott.
CMM: I’m glad Natalie Portman started hitting the crack pipe and decided to cast me as Spider Elliott in her remake of Scruples because when that eventually airs (if ever), people are going to be talking about me again. So much talking. Talking about the Chad.
KENZIE: I love the Chad!
CMM: I know.