It is impossible to write this intro without sounding like Stefan. We’ve got classical pianists, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, people I cannot identity to the extent that they could easily rob me and get away with it, CHEECH AND CHONG????, the Catfish guy, and Zombie Bart Simpson. There was a moment where the PA announcer was enumerating the performers on the VMAs broadcast and I felt like I could have been having a stroke because what she was saying made no sense, it was just WORDS. I know I’m a middle-aged crone but that is a truly motley crew. (Motley Crue, however, did not attend.)

[Photos: Matt Baron/BEImages/Shutterstock, Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock, Evan Agostini/Invision/AP/Shutterstock, Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for MTV/Paramount Global, John Angelillo/UPI/Shutterstock, Broadimage/Shutterstock]