Point the first: Rob Pattinson looks good on this cover. I mean, goooood. The best he’s looked in a long time. It’s still got his signature hair-on-end scruffiness, but in an appealingly clean way — he’s Cedric Diggory, grown up and chiseled and coaching your kid’s Quidditch team in a way that makes all the parents uncomfortably horny, and frankly sort of annoyed that everyone keeps telling him he looks like that guy from the Twilight movies. Point the second: The story makes me laugh, and it’s really f’ing good. I was just talking about how there’s an element of the ridiculous to celebrity profiles that have to include an activity, and the entire beginning to this story both embraces and cheerfully mocks that idea. It’s very, very well done, and it reminds me of GQ’s piece on The Rock — in the sense that The Rock also seems game to throw himself wholly into an impulse — and makes me wish very much for an experience with the both of them together. Point the third: No, seriously, the whole interview is a really engrossing read, despite the whole thesis being that Robert Pattinson is uncomfortable giving of himself. And that’s down to a smart, savvy person, and deft writing — an art form that must not, cannot, be kicked to the curb by video and gimmick star-on-star Q&As. It’s expertly spun, and she manages to get some golden moments out of his reticence — but in a way that endears him, and makes him human, rather than paints him poorly. Observe:

I ask him to give me an example—one example—of a movie where this happened, where a single remark or bit of gossip derailed the whole thing. He looks at me searchingly, shaking his head. He doesn’t want to name anything because he assumes that will get him into trouble, too, shitting on someone else’s movie. But I sit quietly and wait. I can wait all day. Finally, he’s got one. “Like Waterworld, for instance.” I look up from my notebook and squint. The Kevin Costner movie? “It’s one of the greatest movies ever made,” he continues, “and everyone said it was bad. And for years everyone was like, ‘This is a terrible movie.’ And now people are watching it and the veil is being taken away.” I am momentarily speechless. Then I confirm whether he’s actually seen Waterworld. He has. Later, I will check to make sure there isn’t a Sidney Lumet movie that’s also called Waterworld. There isn’t. Already he regrets saying this, invoking his beloved Waterworld. 

Point the fourth: You need to read his summary of his next project.

“It’s a lot about sexual fantasy,” he tells me, “and how your past intermingles, and this thing about kind of having your semen stolen from you in a spaceship and like forcibly impregnating people.” Look for it in theaters soon!

Point the fifth: Having just prized words over film, Robert also made a short video for GQ, and it is amazing and absolutely worth your time. If you did not like him before, and if the story does not sell you, I think you will still find this to be a total hoot.

“There’s a brunch place RIGHT THERE!” “You can call me ROB. I EAT HOT DOGS!” So brilliant. Well played indeed, Pattinson. I’m IN.

[Credits: GQ]