This is a stacked field, y’all. We took our favorites, weighed them against commenter reaction, and then came up with this list of candidates. If your favorite isn’t in here, we apologize! Console yourselves by remembering that, unlike in November*, these votes don’t really matter and it’s all in fun.
*Don’t forget to make sure you’re registered to vote! I got purged from my rolls before the 2016 primaries, and found out *at* my polling station. Rock the Vote can check for you, or you can visit your state’s Secretary of State page.