This is a real Scrolldown WTF. When I first spotted this cover, I thought, “ooh, I like how her finger is threaded through the ‘c’ on Marie Claire, that’s clever.” And then I saw the rest of it. Is there any way that any women picks up this magazine without thinking, “am I supposed to be wearing glittery nipple explosions now? Wow. I’m tired.”

That’s not even considering the fact that apparently we’re also supposed to be wearing leather epaulette harnesses. The very existence of these feels like someone somewhere [I mean, at Gucci, but who knows where at Gucci] decided there weren’t enough useless accessories to sell to women and made it a life goal to invent a new one. Trust, almost all accessories are useless beyond the aesthetic, and I still manage to appreciate nearly all of them, but you have got to be kidding me with this one. No one — no one  — in real life is going to adopt that particular sartorial affectation. Will certain thirsty street style stars pick up a $5000 harness here or there and twirl around in one for Insta likes? For sure. Will we see them in fashion shoots? Definitely. Will they show up on the occasional red carpet? Yes. Will your stylish friend Anita buy one and wear it to brunch? NO. Anita has better things to spend her fashion budget on.

Now, obviously, fashion magazines occasionally push the limits of realism with these things. And it’s not like someone is wearing this on the cover of InStyle, which is positioned to sell clothing that actual people actually wear (albeit often at ridiculous price points). But nor is Marie Claire in the Vogue realm, where it’s unsurprising to see an actress hanging from a ceiling fan sporting a $42,000 belt.  In short: This cover feels like they’re writing checks their readership has no interest in cashing.

I’m sort of surprised, actually that they didn’t decide to use this inside photo for the cover instead:

Priyanka Chopra Marie Claire April Interior Photo

They might have decided it felt too generic? I don’t personally think so — I think this shot is lovely, and her face has so much feeling in it — but when you go for exploding glitter nipples, you definitely are looking to be as bold as possible.

PS: If you’re into Priyanka’s hair — and who isn’t? — there’s a video over at Marie Claire that really gets into all the hair shaking and flipping she did for this photo shoot and it is MESMERIZING. I mean, that’s not the purpose of the video — she’s being interviewed — but it does kind of turn into the focus of it.

[Cover: Tesh for Marie Claire]