LAUREN CONRAD: OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER!!!
KRISTIN CAVALLARI: Right. Great.
LAUREN: Now I can really concentrate on writing my young adult novels full-time, as well as all of my other wholesome and successful projects.
KRISTIN: And I have to get a job. Again.
LAUREN: At least you look pretty! If, you know, sort of dead-eyed with despair at the thought that you’ll soon be on the breadlines again.
KRISTIN: I don’t eat bread.
LAUREN: It’s a METAPHOR. I’m an author.
KRISTIN: WE KNOW.
LAUREN: And don’t I look about six hundred times happier than I did when I was actually on this godforsaken show?
KRISTIN: Yes. Yes, you do. You look like the cat that ate the canary, in fact. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a woman look happier.
KRISTIN: And, yes, you look really nice. Fine. Are you happy now?
LAUREN: Oh, Kristin! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!