KATIE HOLMES: I’ve figured out why you’ve looked so good lately.

TOM CRUISE: My very subtle but beautifully done surgical facial upkeep that you really don’t notice?

KATIE: No, although that’s excellent.

TOM: My wardrobe of impeccably tailored suits?

KATIE: No.

TOM: The fact that my INSANE CRAZY BEHAVIOR when we got married has started to fade from the minds of the public in the face of WAY CRAZIER behavior from people like Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan?

KATIE: No.

TOM: Is it that everyone is relieved we’re still married in the face of such sham relationships as Kim Kardashian and that tall, marble-mouthed person she was pretending to be married to for TV?

KATIE: No.

TOM: Is it that I’ve finally gone back to my Maverick haircut and no longer look like I think I might be Justin Bieber?

KATIE: YES.

TOM: You’re welcome. You actually look lovely tonight too. Is that Dang An’ Homely?

KATIE: HOLMES AND YANG.

TOM: Bless you.

KATIE:  Yes, it is.

TOM: YOU ARE KIDDING ME.

KATIE: Why are you so surprised?

TOM: Because you actually look  — never mind. I’m not surprised. Let’s go find the caterer with the chicken strips! Protein is vital to my upkeep, precious wife.