JENNIFER: Hola, lover!
DENZEL: Hey there, Jenny.
JENNIFER: Ay, sir, are you from The Block?
JENNIFER: THEN YOU CAN CALL ME MS. LOPEZ.
DENZEL: Of course, Ms. Lopez.
JENNIFER: HAHAHAHAHA. I am kidding, Denz! What a goof! You can call me Mrs. Anthony.
DENZEL: Well, you’re looking lovely, Mrs. Anthony.
JENNIFER: I know, right? Because I, Jennifer Lopez Etc., am the new spokeswoman for Boys & Girls Club of America. And if there is one thing boys and girls in clubs love, it is boobies, like mine here! And if there is one thing I love, it is boys and girls and clubs and America!
DENZEL: That’s four things.
JENNIFER: I SPIT ON YOUR MATH.
DENZEL: You’re feisty. I like that.
JENNIFER: You know who else likes it? The kids.
JENNIFER: See them love me! See how they can’t keep their eyes off me!
DENZEL: Hmm. Seems to me they can’t keep their eyes ON you.
JENNIFER: CALLATE, SASSBUCKET. Perhaps they are blinded by their love for me!
DENZEL: You should’ve kept the coat off; then they’d be looking. Am I right?
JENNIFER: You are clearly not here for the children, Mr. Denzel. You! You and your mind! You are not fit to eat the dirt off my child-loving shoes!
DENZEL: See, now I REALLY like you. Do you want to be in a movie with me, maybe about a salty blue-collar guy who does something dramatic in order to save somebody he cares about, or something he thinks is honorable?
JENNIFER: Pish. I would rather be in a movie about a really hot lady who is kind and nice and smart and a wonderful soul but also MUY CALIENTE, as long as nobody in it is more famous than yo!
DENZEL: Sounds like a winner.
JENNIFER: I call it, Chupate On My Awesomeness, Stupid Skinny Stickfleck Ladywife!
JENNIFER: Ayyyy, it will be glorious. Now get your thigh out of my closeup so we can all bask in the fabuloso glory of ME.
DENZEL: Anything you say, Mrs. Anthony Etc.
JENNIFER: YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT.