Bai Ling is trying really hard. Like, REALLY hard. You almost never see her in Ed Hardy bra tops and tiny frayed denim skirts any more, which I personally think is a tragedy — it’s like she’s keeping her panda sprite in a bottle in the sofa of her psyche, or whatever — but which clearly is important to her in an effort to be taken seriously as a person who understands what it means to get dressed.

Here is her latest effort, and despite the title of this post, I’m not completely mad at it:

37th AFI Life Achievement Award - Arrivals

I appreciate the attempt here. I do. She almost looks like she’s trying to be a Disney princess — maybe there’s a job open on a cruise line and she’s gunning for a few free trips to St. Croix. And It’s always nice to see someone trying to work canary yellow, because that’s a hue that strikes fear into most people’s hearts, although again — maybe she just heard that cats eat canaries and she was looking for a rough-and-tumble good time. With all the different forces at work within Bai, it’s impossible to say. But all in all, whatever the reason, she’s trying to work it without being 90 percent naked and I appreciate that.

But here’s the thing: I’m pretty sure that dress doesn’t fit.

37th AFI Life Achievement Award - Arrivals

See how the bodice is gaping? Kind of like people used to, in Bai’s direction, when she’d wear dresses SO backless that her boobs escaped from the side?

37th AFI Life Achievement Award - Arrivals

I just want to hike it up and clamp it in the back. This makes me wonder if the illusion panel between the two cups here was INTENDED as part of the dress, or if it was a late addition to… I don’t even know. Hold them up? It looks a bit shabby and pointless.

And say what you will about our girl Bai, but she is neither shabby NOT pointless (no, not even with her limited resume — just think of the joy her mutiple personalities have brought us here). I’d probably be content with a proper dress fitting here that might negate the need for that chintzy-looking piece of flesh netting (and maybe with about five pounds less makeup), but with all the skirt layers there’s plenty of other options for making this dress hang better — or even just for making it more quintessentially Bai. Take your figurative pinking shears to it: What would you alter? And would you want to keep it classy, or take it back to Bai 1.0?

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