“Do you see this, lovers? Do you know what it is? This is called A CURVEBALL and I just whipped it into your strike zone and you are OUT. And when Major Lopez Baseball gives me the Cy YES Award then I will use it to keep the dust off the place where my Oscar will go someday. Unless I win a Tony first. Why have I not been nominated, lovers? I have stood ON Broadway, and you know I did that better than anyone else. Sigh. Why is the world so SLOW to catch up to me?”

[Photo: Getty]