The Vodafone Live Music Awards 2008
[Photo:Splash News]

ASHLEY…SURE, LET’S CALL HER THAT: I really drew the short straw with this one.

MELODY: I am soooooooooooooooooo happy I didn’t have to shave my legs today!

NICOLE: That’s right. This is a latex cocktail dress. Did I hear you ask which one of us got to look the sexiest? Will you EVER ask that again? I didn’t think so.

THE OTHER BLONDE ONE: I hate everyone.

THE ONE WHOSE HAIR THEY JUST DYED SO SHE LOOKS LIKE THE ONE WHO QUIT: I am like one pair of retro hotpants away from looking like Katy Perry over here.

ASHLEY: This get-up they stuck me in looks like a Project Runway reject. It doesn’t even fit.

MELODY: I LOVE it when I get to wear jeans or jeans-like pants! Nicole had to be covered in baby powder just to get that thing on! Her team will be peeling her out of it later when I am down at the bar drinking a beer like a normal person!

NICOLE: My body IS amazing. That’s right. Drink it in. You’d look this smug, too, if you were me. No, no — I’d rather not discuss where my back sweat is pooling right now. Let’s move along.

THAT ONE: I think this is actually from the Avril Lavigne collection. Are they trying to make me quit? They are. They are. So Robin Antin can have another dumb reality show. WELL, IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK, ROBIN.

THE OTHER ONE: Maybe I AM Katy Perry. I mean, who ARE we, anyway? Truly? How do we know who is who, truly? God, my head hurts now.