Hi, y’all! I’m Britney Spears!


Y’all, Kevin and I went to the pet story to get Laci a little jacket because it’s so cold out and I heard that this pet store in Malibu sold little “Rock Out With Your Cock Out” hats for dogs and I thought that might be cute too, you know, because that would match my fine hubby’s hat and it’s so cute when doggies match their daddies but when we got there there was just so much to choose from I just couldn’t decide! I was so confused that all my hair just stood right up on top of my head, y’all!

What was I talking about again? Oh right. Y’all keep talking about how I look crummy when I leave the house but that is totally unfair y’all. Y’all, I am in love. I am married now! I am a married lady! This is how I look, for reals, y’all. I don’t have to brush my hair for Kevin. I don’t even have to take a shower for Kevin! He told me that I have to do is keep signing the checks…of LOVE. Y’all it is such a relief to not have to shower or brush my hair or wear make-up or make any kind of effort of any kind at all anymore. I am just so comfortable with Kevin and the baby we are making together, currently located in my uterus, which is also unwashed. Oops, did I say that? I guess I did it again. I just can’t keep it secret! I can’t wait to shop for clothing for little Kevney or Britven, y’all. Y’all, I would actually really like to have twins like Julia Roberts and name them Kevney Cheetos Federline and Britven Red Bull Federline and then Kevney Cheetos and Britven Red Bull and Kevvie and me and maybe my mom Lynne and maybe also my sister Jamie Lynn even though she hasn’t called me back in like three weeks can all just live together here in my big house in Malibu with our dogs and also maybe with some of those kids Kevin has with that other lady and we can just sit around and watch movies and I can make a roast and my mother will wash our cars for us because she likes to do that and then I will never have to brush my hair again and no one will care because I will be a married lady with babies and that means I am a GROWN-UP and no one will make me dance with a snake ever ever again.

Except maybe for Justin. I might dance with a snake maybe if Justin asked but DON’T TELL ANYONE I SAID THAT.