RUMER WILLIS: I am really excited about our new TV show.

TALLULAH WILLIS: Me too. I can’t wait for America to see our heartfelt portrayal of the ups and downs of two young Deadheads. No one has ever done a show like that before! It’s going to be like Mad Men, but with dreadlocks!

RUMER: Oh, I thought we were doing the OTHER show. The drama about the two girls who work at Pier One in 1991, during the height of the  scandal about how they were selling peasant skirts that turned out to be highly flammable.

TALLULAH:  Is that the one you pitched as, “Singles, with more papa-san chairs”?

RUMER: Yes! Imagine the drama inherent as, every week, viewers wonder both if we’re going to catch on fire AND if we’re ever going to get to meet Pearl Jam.

TALLULAH: But the other one gives us more opportunities to twirl around in mud.

RUMER: But THIS ONE means we might get free shit from Pier One. Don’t you want a lifetime supply of scented candles?

TALLULAH: What is wrong with you? Those are dangerous as long as we insist on dressing like this.

RUMER: Touche.