As we mentioned earlier, today is our birthday! Like the titular character in Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing, we are nine. And, like Peter Hatcher, if we come home to find that a toddler has swallowed a turtle, we will be most displeased. (I love you, Judy Blume.) To celebrate, we are giving away books! But given that the traditional gift for one’s ninth anniversary is pottery, I thought it might be entertaining to take a look back at 9 Past Posts In Which We Mention Pottery/Sculpture:

1) June 29, 2005: Blu Cantrall Attends the BET Awards in an ensemble that appears primarily to be crocheted. This is crazy. THIS is what a world without stylists looked like (CRAZY. I miss it).

2) March 28, 2006: Britney Spears reacts to the fact that some crackpot has decided the world needs a giant sculpture of her having birth to Sean Preston. If I may quote myself: “…it’s also totally, like, wrong because I had a Caesarean section with Sean (and could someone please explain to me what that has to do with the salad? Because who would name a salad after an operation? It’s so weird.  But everything I ask my mother she just starts laughing and then she sighs real big and lights another cigarette). So, anyway, in addition to being GROSS and like a total VIOLATION of my CIVIL RIGHTS as an AMERICAN, it’s also totally inaccurate, or whatever.” (More Safe For Work than you’d anticipate, actually, but probably not….super safe. Don’t read it if your boss is right behind you yapping about TPS reports.)

3) March 2, 2007: Tichina Arnold wears some super crazy shoes that defy the laws of gravity.

4) July 10, 2008. Jo Champa takes her nipples to a movie premiere that appears to be for a film about Eddie Murphy’s mustache (NSFW, also possibly for life, although you just lived through that Britney thing, so pull yourself together).

5) May 18, 2010: HOLA LOVERS!

6) June 15, 2012: Kate Hudson causes me grievous bodily harm. Although I don’t hate that outfit as much as I did two years ago. I stand by the comparison I make in the post — I stand by it so hard — but it doesn’t make me all mad or anything. Apparently, I’m mellowing with age.

7) January 21, 2011: Amy Smart popped out to remind us that she was alive!

8) June 10, 2011: Emma Stone looks adorable, but her shoes committed the cardinal sin of being borrrrrrrring.

9) October 23, 2012: Let’s end this post, as all good things end, with Robert Pattinson in a really horrible shirt.