DUDE:

JUST BE BALD.

I’ll still go see National Treasure: Season of The Knowing Witch Driving Angry or whatever the hell movie you’re doing to pay for your shrunken head collection this year. I promise. Or, at the very least, I will TOTALLY watch it on a plane somewhere, and I will be THRILLED that my selection is the dumb-ass Nic Cage movie I never got around to seeing and that is because YOU, Nicolas Cage, YOU SIR are a National Treasure. There is no other actor who accepted an Academy Award and then proceeded to make a more delicious and ENDLESS avalanche of totally terrible/awesome popcorn flicks. No other! JUST YOU. So, for the love of Mount Rushmore and its national, treasured secrets, SHOW US WHATEVER IS PERCOLATING UNDER THAT TOUPE. LOVE IT. OWN IT. BUFF IT. It worked for Willis!