MAN IN UNIFORM ALERT: Herein, there are seven pics of Harry in his full military garb. We would never deny you that sight.

KATE SCHEDULING ALERT: She and Wills are going to Scotland on May 29th, so mark your calendars, and then they’re allegedly popping over to France with the Queen for the big 70th anniversary of D-Day the first week of June, about which I am terribly excited, because I am deeply nerdy when it comes to history, and the marriage of the current royals with any excuse to talk about World War II is catnip to me. It’s SO CLOSE to People Having Romantical Problems During Wars, my favorite genre of fiction, although I sincerely hope no war, nor any romantical problems, break out during this rather serious occasion.

All that being said, a lot happened this week. William hosted a bunch of very-well dressed celebrities at Windsor Castle to celebrate Ralph Lauren giving a ton of cashola to London’s major cancer research and treatment hospital, Royal Marsden. (There’s video of arrivals and inside whatnot here, which you probably want to see for the many many posh footsteps crunching on gravel, and also to witness Cate Blanchett’s earrings in motion and Cumberbiddles waving his hands around while he talks to William about something (probably East Enders).) Unsubstantiated rumor had it that RL was peeved that Kate didn’t come [although she was never scheduled to] and while that’s something you just complain about to your spouse and NO ONE ELSE lest it get out, you can’t blame a major designer for being grumpy about missing out on the chance to put her in something these days. Also, in the slideshow: William drinks! He points at things! Harry tweets! Maxima wears a great coat! Crown Princess Mary of Denmark is super pretty! Princess Eugenie looks like she’s totally acclimated to New York! Sophie Wessex visits a Roman bath! Horses are examined!

And elsewhere:

Stuart Weitzman is currently offering customizeable Corkswoon wedges (you know, Kate has the navy ones and wears them all the time) in a variety of colors, but only until May 27th. These sell out ALL THE TIME, so order them NOW if you want some, like, ever. (This is not a sponsored link; I just want you to be happy. I have the navy ones already but I might have ordered a pair of grey also DON’T JUDGE ME. It’s not like I went out and bought an Entry Level Cartier.)

Harry offered to buy a woman’s pub this weekend. That seems about right, doesn’t it? (The Express)

– The Express also said that it was Kate’s suggestion to Cressida that she and Harry take a break, because it worked so well for her and Wills. OR that was just her gentle way of being like, “sister girl lady friend, this relationship is a hot mess and you guys need to break the f up because you’re both driving me craaaaaay and I have shit to do right now, like figure out what I’m going to wear to Scotland next week.”

–On that topic, Us Weekly reports Harry hooked up with a blonde (he does love blondes) at last weekend’s Memphis wedding, and I think we all agree that said blonde needs to pop by the comments section and give us the scoop. I WANT DETAILS.

– And Daily Mail I KNOW has got Cressida all dolled up and looking very Do You See What You’re Missing? DO YOU?! whilst out on the town with Princess Beatrice (who is the one who introduced Cressida to Harry, so you know there have been some awkward family text messages flying lately). I am personally a big fan of Do You See What You’re Missing? DO YOU?! as a post-break-up tactic. It’s always more satisfying than popping out looking tragical, because even if it accomplishes nothing vis a vis your ex, at least you look good. (Also, if Kate DID suggest this break, it’s worth noting that she herself ALSO used Do You See What You’re Missing? DO YOU?! whilst on her own break, and if I recall correctly, she even deployed hot pants. Maybe Kate is totally controlling this entire scenario from behind the scenes. Maybe Kate couldn’t make your little party, Ralph Lauren, because she’s fixing SOMEONE’S ENTIRE LOVE LIFE RIGHT NOW.) NOTE: Our friends at Prince Harry Watch just reminded me that it was Eugenie who introduced Harry and Cressida, not Beatrice. Why do I always get those two confused? Regardless: Eugenie was ALSO there, so the awkward texts comment still holds true.

– Racked had an interview with royals reporter Victoria Arbiter that you will want to read, about the life of someone who covers the royal family. It’s super interesting. To wit: “Are you in direct contact with the Palace? ‘Yes, I can call and talk to them directly. It’s frustrating because Will and Kate have an incredibly tight circle of friends, and nobody talks. That has eliminated the competition somewhat, so we rely on news coming out of the palace.'” I bet that IS frustrating for them, but also: good for Friends of Wills and Kate for not selling them out.

– Maxima and W-A are on a tour right now and hardly any of the photos are available to us, which is making me stabby, especially because she wore THIS AMAZING TIARA and LOADS OF JEWELS, and I love her and I want to bring her outfits to you. (Royal Order of Sartorial Splendor)

– Crown Princess Mary and Crown Prince Fredrik of Denmark are celebrating their tenth anniversary this week, and The Court Jeweller takes us on a look back at their wedding and all its attendant jewels and other various deliciousness. Their story is very romantic. She was (a totally normal) Australian! She traveled IN SECRET to accept his proposal! They met at the Olympics! (Everyone is always meeting at the Olympics. Do I need to go to Rio in 2016 to meet a prince? WHY DIDN’T I GO TO LONDON. I am an idiot. Anyway.) He cried when she came down the aisle! Mazel to them!

The Royal Roundup (not this one!) has video from their wedding, as well.

– This News of the World phone hacking scandal has been freaking insane on multiple levels. It came out this week that they hacked Kate’s phone over a hundred and fifty times, starting well before she and William were even engaged. Look, I love the royals gossip, obviously, and god knows they move copy but COME ON YOU GUYS. THAT WAS NOT COOL. (The Daily Beast)

Royal Central has archival news film of QE2 arriving home from a six-month tour, back in 1954. The footage is really cool — the voiceover is amazing, all, “LONDON. A CHILL DAWN BREAKS,” there’s a Churchill cameo (he looks VERY Churchill-y), Tiny Princess Anne looks ready to solve crimes even then, Charles is squirmy and fidgety and really might want to go over the Buck House balcony, and Prince Philip is v. dashing in his uniform.  PS, can you imagine if Kate and William’s tour had been six months long? We probably all would have died. I would have gotten that psychosis you get when you don’t sleep.

– It’s polo season — all hail white polo pants, so much better than white football pants — and you probably want to see Harry and Wills trotting about swinging mallets and whatnot. (Hello!)

– World Lifestyle examines how to get Kate’s hair (beyond the most important bit, which I fear is “have great hair genes’).

[Photos: Getty, Splash, Pacific Coast News]