This weekend was Royal Ascot, which brought us horse racing, headgear of tremendous wackiness, and — the best gift you could give us — JOAN COLLINS:

Royal Ascot - Ladies Day

Looking as delectably 80s as one might hope, all puffed sleeves and aqua — like the glorious marriage of Anne Shirley and one of Jessica Wakefield’s bikinis. Of course, it goes without saying that I think she is divine. Also divine? The many, many, MANY MANY wacky hats modeled by the delightful Ascot-goers over the past few days. Whilst most of these ladies are not proper celebrities, we could not fail to bring you a look at what they have put on their heads in the hope of becoming so, if even for just one day at the races.

BEHOLD THEIR FABULOUSITY:

Racegoers show off their hats during Ladies' Day, UK

[This and all following photos: Splash News]

I think this young lady missed an opportunity to fill her hat with chocolates. Imagine all the hungry, friendly people you might meet, with a hat full of chocolates! Also: if you get hungry, you can just eat part of your hat! I should patent this idea.

Hats at Royal Ascot in Berkshire, England

On one hand, this reminds me that I need to refill my Claritan prescription. On the other, this is an older lady wearing a GIANT purple hydrangea on her head and there is literally no universe in which that is not awesome. Okay, maybe it’s not awesome if she’s sitting in front of you at the opera, but you know what I mean.

Racegoers show off their hats during Ladies' Day, UK

It would be worse if THIS woman was in front of you at the opera. I especially enjoy the amused woman in the fuchsia hat watching this photo being shot. SHE is having a blast.

Apparently, Ms Flowers on her Head has many facets to her personality:

Ladies Day At Royal Ascot in Berkshire, England

Too bad she can’t keep the sculpture on her head straight. I am pretty sure that was once the centerpiece of a fountain at a children’s art center at which I was forced to take a ceramics class as a child (I am not good at ceramics. Everything I made always listed to the left.)

Speaking of listing….

Hats at Royal Ascot in Berkshire, England

I unironically love that. A ship-on-the-waters headdress with that sharp white top? Fabulous. Sincerely. As is this:

Ladies Day At Royal Ascot in Berkshire, England

Divine. I may wear a hat for the rest of that day.