WHITNEY PORT: So, Justin Bobby II, did you hear I’m going to have my own show on MTV?
JBII: Yeah, that’s why I’m here. SAG card, here I come!
WHITNEY: Do you think they’re making some kind of joke, sitting me in front of a sign reading “Extra Virgin”? Because I’m so wholesome?
JBII: Whatever, doll. I’ve got an audition for a Vincent Gallo biopic in an hour. Let’s knock this out.
WHITNEY: Okay. [AHEM] So, how did last night go?
JBII: That’s my line.
JBII: I’m asking YOU how last night went and how you feel about things.
WHITNEY: But that’s MY job. I say, “So how did last night go?” and then you say something, and then I make a sympathetic face and then I say, “And what are you think-kink about that?” and you say something and I play with my hair and then I say, “How does that make you feel?” and then you say something, and then I say, “I know!” and then we either laugh, or we look really sad.
JBII: Dude. It’s your show. You’re the Lauren of this one.
WHITNEY: I AM?
WHITNEY: I don’t want to be the LAUREN. People will start judging me about who I date and what I’m wearing!
JBII: Why do you think I’m HERE? Chin up, babe. At least that dress is cute. I’m the one in the hat.
WHITNEY: I have to call my agent. I am think-kink I might not want to do this anymore. It makes me feel weird.
JBII: So this is where I’m supposed to look sad, right?