Let’s start with the good: Pink. She manages to look cool even when she’s screaming, and there’s definitely something distinctive about doing that on a magazine cover that makes it leap out at you. I really love the suit on her, and am in a place in my life where I will read anything Pink wants to tell me. My boys watched her dance on the side of the Marriott Hotel in L.A., then wanted to watch it again, and again, and came away thinking she is a real-life Wonder Woman. I appreciate so much that she puts that kind of power out into the world, so that women soaring is something the youngs of today might see so often that they can’t imagine it any other way.

But. It’s a bit frustrating to stick the word SEX right up next to her face, so that it looks like maybe she’s experiencing a very painful climax. However, the part of this cover that I want to tear off and roll up and use to smack another copy of itself is, “Why You Feel Cray Before Leak Week & How To Chill.” First, Cosmo, you are coming dangerously close to telling me to chillax because I have PMS, and that’s not gonna help. And then: Leak Week. LEAK WEEK. LEAK WEEK?!?? What the f*%k is that? It’s not Fleet Week for your damn ovaries. And it’s not LEAKING. We are not some janky plumbing situation that needs repairs, or a thing that happens to your car that costs you thousands of dollars (or to your house that might blow it up). Do not try to be the Shakespeare of menstrual slang, Cosmo. Maybe THAT’S why Pink is yelling.

Tags: Cosmo, pink