On a night full of some weird moments, let’s start with what went well for Melissa Leo: Her face. (And the fact that she won the Oscar despite the world’s most awkward, self-funded “Consider me” campaign. But whatever.) Things got strange from there, from Kirk Douglas’s never-ending intro for the Supporting Actress category, to her abject worship of him, to his abject interest in re-deflowering her behind the garden shed. The rest of it is wholly open for debate — both her Oscars dress (I tend to think it looks like an arts-and-crafts project, which would be awesome for the night if Franco was an artist whose canvas included both murder AND Melissa Leo’s naked body, which would make for a catchy tagline, so maybe General Hospital should look into it), and, in fact, everything she wore leading up to the big day. It all leads me to conclude that Melissa Leo is: a) talented; b) loopy; c) REALLY lucky those “CONSIDER” ads didn’t cause people to consider voting for Hailee Steinfeld, and d) the type of lady with whom you could have an entire conversation, and then after walking away, think, “Wait, what just happened?”
So, take a gander, and then drop by the comments to play fantasy stylist with her entire cadre of outfits. She needs you, Fug Nation. She needs you so badly.