Don’t you ever sit awake at night thinking, “WHO is the next Lady Gaga? WHO?” We do, obviously — and our late-night percolations have led us to believe that the likeliest heirs to the throne of Wackville are probably KeDOLLARSIGNha and Nicki “No Punctuation” Minaj. So we put them to a head-to-hand challenge to figure out which is the Gagaiest. For example:

“This one’s a toughie: Nicki appears to be the captain of Planet Beehive’s paratrooper corps, while Ke$ha, with her Mohawk, shredded Hefty gown, and BeDazzled caterpillar brows, could pass for an emissary from a galaxy whose ruler is a massive anthropomorphized paper shredder.”

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