The headline of this story is “Nothing Keeps Nicole Kidman From Her Work, Not Even a 102-Degree Fever,” and my response was, “….do you mean, during this cover shoot? Because that would explain a lot.” While I like how much her (one!) eye matches her earring, why are we picking a shot where half of her famous face is covered with hair?

Don’t even get me started on how wonked up the margins are on this cover. Why is the main headline running all the way to the edges of the paper? Why does Allure look like a zine now? What is happening?

As far as the interview goes…it is kind of crazy. Not because Nicole is crazy but because it’s a very “voice-y” piece, the kind of thing you don’t often see in a magazine like Allure. It’s mildly nutty, and therefore I found it sort of refreshing:

Don’t ask Nicole Kidman about her wigs, and don’t you dare ever refer to her as a celebrity, which I unfortunately did and will regret for the rest of my life.

Here is the landmine: Do you like being a celebrity?

Her brow furrows. “I don’t see myself as a celebrity.”

What?

“I’m not a celebrity.”

I would say that you’re a movie star.

“I’m not a movie star. I feel like I’m an actor. Beyoncé is a celebrity. And that’s a much bigger thing.”

We disagree on this.

Now, I could have opened with this vignette rather than a lengthy description of Nicole walking around a wine bar, but I’m not this writer and I’m not his editor and no one asked me. Sometimes I read these interviews and have empathy for the writer, because you can tell that the subject just didn’t give them enough to work with and there is only so much you can spin out of nothing.  Here, Nicole seems to have given him a totally reasonable, professional amount of Actor Blah Blah Blah but when you’re interviewing Nicole Kidman, who is 51 and has been famous for half of her life, you’ve heard most of the the Actor Blah Blah Blah from her, and this whole thing feels like the interviewer got back to his hotel room and housed a sleeve of Oreos and just WENT FOR IT. I admire that.

Also: Nicole Kidman, who I love, is crazy. OF COURSE YOU’RE A MOVIE STAR, NICOLE. I understand that there is kind of a snobby demarcation between Actor and Movie Star in certain people’s minds, but some people are both, and she is one of them. I do wonder if being married to Tom Cruise when he was at his most famous warps your definition of “Movie Star,” if you are her — I suspect that it does. But there’s no doubt that Kidman is a movie star. Clooney is a movie star. Brad Pitt is a movie star. Will Smith is a movie star. Angelina is a movie star. Julia Roberts is a movie star. Denzel is a movie star. Anyone who has an iconic-in-a-good-way Oscars red carpet gown that people remember twenty years later is a movie star! ACCEPT IT, NICOLE.