First, I enjoy the subtle measuring contest between Vogue — feting its 125th birthday — and Harper’s, which would like you to know that it’s been around a full 25 years longer. But is it wrong that I kind of wish the magazine had rechristened itself BZAAR, in honor of absent vowels? Although The Weeknd is apparently growing weary of being The Weeknd, and might revert to using his given name, so dropped Es may yet win the day.

At any rate: Abel “The Weeknd” Tesfaye is on the Harper’s Bazaar cover for its Icons issue. I am unclear on whether Adriana Lima and Irina Shayk are also honored as such, or whether they’re simply his plus-ones on the cover, but the fact remains: It annoys me that they’re basically presented as his props, snuggling up to him as seductively as possible while he remains completely indifferent. It seems off-brand. Who am I even supposed to envy here? Am I supposed to wish I, too, could rest my head on The Weeknd’s shouldr while he pretends I am not there? Or should I want to be The Weeknd, the meat in a very claustrophobc modl sandwch? Honestly, I’d choose the latter. They could give me tips on pulling off black lipstick, for example, and teach me how to look fierce without looking mean or sleepy (nigh on impossible for me), and then I’d eavesdrop on all the gossip that’s fit to spill during breaks. Hmm, maybe this is aspirational after all.

[Photo: Harper’s Bazaar]