We don’t typically post above Fugs & Pieces on a Friday, but… how could we not put up this cover? It’s Idris Elba on what appears to be a hotel bed, uncommitted to wearing a shirt, but DEEPLY committed to staring us all in the eyes and communicating that he fancies the pants off us because he respects our brains and sass, and also our hair looks so good today and hot damn we’re foxy. Right? That’s what I get from this, anyway. I’m pretty sure that’s right: Idris Elba is the world’s lover in this shot — he’s not our boyfriend so much as we’re mutually agreed-upon bangfriends, because that’s all we can do for each other right now but it’s also all we NEED from each other — and the world is like, “Awesome, I’ll be right over.”
Indeed, this seems like a really good time to link to “If Idris Elba Were Your Boyfriend” on the late, lamented The Toast, which includes these gems:
If Idris Elba were your boyfriend, he would never present you with a pink or baby blue tee or jersey from that baseball team you love and then expect you to be excited about it. Idris Elba would never try to force upon you any of the sexist, patronising merchandise the MLB churns out. The only argument you would ever have about any jersey is whether or not it is part of a “kit.”
If Idris Elba were your boyfriend, you would die knowing you’d done well by your thirteen-year-old self. “This is way better than Orlando Bloom,” you’d murmur, going through old middle school yearbooks.
If Idris Elba were your boyfriend, he would graciously offer to drink for you during your fourth losing round of beer pong, but your honour would be at stake so he wouldn’t be pushy about it.
Most importantly, if Idris Elba were our boyfriend, we’d be at that hotel room right now. It’s Friday. TAKE YOURSELF THERE. You know, emotionally.