Dear Famewhores,

Heidi and Spencer arrive back from Mexico in facemasks at LAX

[Photo: Splash News]

I’m sure you guys thought it was a STROKE OF GENIUS to marry the public’s current panicked obsession with Swine Flu to the other pandemic currently dominating the news cycle, your recent nuptials, thus creating a super strain of inescapable press coverage, but for people who profess to be such godly folk (Heidi), it seems distinctly uncharitable to use A DEADLY WORLDWIDE ILLNESS to drum up ATTENTION FOR YOURSELVES. Did it maybe not occur to you that coyly wearing your masks here in Los Angeles (this photo was taken at LAX) rather than REMOVING THEM once you got through customs LIKE A NORMAL PERSON made it extremely clear that you are not wearing them to protect yourself from DEADLY ILLNESS but instead SO PEOPLE WILL TAKE PICTURES OF YOU and that perhaps that could be interpreted as being both SUPER INSENSITIVE to the fact that people are, yes, DEAD, but also MEGA CYNICAL. So CONGRATS, you two, and best wishes for many long years shackled to each other. You deserve it,