“Hola, lovers. Sigh.”

“I am filming my movie, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, based on the book some huge fan of mine wrote just for me about babies. Apparently what we are expecting is a very warm and trendy apocalypse? I do not know. I didn’t read the script. I just took the movie so that Marc would be jealous of how busy busy busy FAMOUS I still am while he is still sweaty sweaty sweaty WEE. It is going to be a huge hit, because I am in it with some naked man from the documentary on HBO about vampires. So! Lovers! Why the sad face? It is this: I do not know what to expect! Because I expected I would have a new boyfriend by now and maybe be engaged in a week! Pues, lovers, I do not know what to expect while I am expecting that,  because I already expected that, and it did not happen!

Ay, los siento, lovers, I am sure my advanced logic is confusing. And I am sure Mr. HBO will fall in love with me and accidentally leave his wife and we will be married in a week and everything will be fine and I will be back to glowing with the glow of glowy love. Could you resist me, in this scarf? … You COULD? LOVERS. This is bad. Excuse me. I will fire Costume Person and be back soon. Buy my movie!

“Kisses (ON THE MOUTH, if we want, hahahahahaha suck it Marc), Jennifer NOT ANTHONY”

[Photo: Splash News]