You guys, what is going on with Sting?

The 66th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Please be for a role. Please be for a role. Please be for a role. Please be for a role. A role that …is mysteriously not yet on IMDb, sure. But hey, they appear to be under the impression that Ralph Fiennes is not in any future Harry Potter movies (despite being Lord Thingy and kind of, you know, important to the end of the series) so anything could happen. Right? Right? RIGHT? THIS IS NOT ON PURPOSE. STING DOES NOT LOOK LIKE SOME DUDE WHO…LOOKS LIKE THIS. HE IS BREAKING ME. And just look what he’s doing to Colin Farrell:

This was Colin’s expression as Sting walked out on stage to present Worst Attempt At Successfully Shaving One’s Neck to himself, or whatever it was he was presenting. Colin is SO CLEARLY unable to continue to enthusiastically applaud for Sting, SO STUNNED is he by the fact that Sting now looks like someone who has just spent six weeks building a woodshed from mud and hay with nary a break. STING. HOT TANTRIC SEX STING. Doesn’t Sting realize that he is probably Colin Farrell’s idol, what with all his tales of endless, yoga-fueled nookie? WON’T STING THINK OF COLIN FARRELL? AND ME? WHAT ABOUT ME? ALSO THE CHILDREN. THINK OF THEM, STING. And then shave.