So, every February Fashion Week, the first show Heather and I go to is usually in honor of The Heart Truth, which is the national health department’s campaign to raise awareness about heart disease in women — a very worthy cause, and they’re also sponsored by Diet Coke, so you know we approve. Anyway, it’s basically a celebrity fashion show featuring red dresses designed by big-name designers and although it’s so much cornier than your usual runway extravaganza, it’s fun for that very reason. It’s a relaxing first foray into the tents, allowing us to practice our “I’M SO VERY BORED DELIGHT ME NOW” faces that you’re contractually obligated to wear at all fashion shows, even if inside you are secretly squealing about how much fun you’re having, which I always am because…hello, Fashion Week is entertaining. ANYWAY, I swear to God, THIS is exactly the sort of thing we see at said show:

67th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

It’s SO. AGRESSIVELY. RED. And it has a train. A huge train. A huge, pouffy train. (I am tempted, in the spirit of corniness, to note that the rain stays mainly on her train, but that loses something without my also being about to specify something about the location of said rain, and nothing in the 310 rhymes.) I’d also like to note that my comments about this outfit were so much wittier when I thought she was Natalie Morales, who once, at said Heart Truth show, accidentally flashed Laura Bush her bare ass. There was a lot of my snarking about how you’d think she’d have learned her lesson about red dresses etc etc etc etc. But they are not the same person. And having realized that, I have run out of things to say about this. Other than the fact that if she decided to show up at Bryant Park bright and early on the first day of Fashion Week, and she brings this, SHE’S GOING ON STAGE.