Okay. Let’s just go there. Why wait?

My perception of this dress is complicated by the following:

1. I read her “advice” book The Day I Shot Cupid (we reviewed it for Lemondrop), and it is so terrible and un-self-aware — in occasionally hilarious but mostly vexing ways — that it makes me root for her to succeed at other things so that I don’t have to worry about her writing another one;

2. I watched The Client List, for which she is nominated for being the recessionista Kind Touch artist, and it was so terrible and un-self-aware — in occasionally hilarious but mostly vexing ways — that it makes me root for her to succeed at OTHER other things so that I don’t have to worry about her making another one;

3. I used to watch Ghost Whisperer, and it was so… well, you can see where this is going;

4. I am not sure what’s left for her;

5. It was really uncomfortable when Ryan Seacrest asked her boyfriend if he’d read her book and he totally lied that he did;

6. I think this girl really wants to get married, like, yesterday;

7. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married as long as you don’t keep trying to marry everyone you date in the hopes that one of them will stick;

8. This dress screams I AM TOTALLY UP FOR GETTING MARRIED IF YOU WANT, WE COULD EVEN GO DO IT LATER ON;

9. It even has a built-in bodice hanky for drying the tears;

10. I have a soft-spot for this girl — she seemed kind of genuinely disappointed when she didn’t win, but hon, you were up against Claire Danes in a squeeze machine and Dame Judi Dench, and neither of them was going to let you Kind Touch a Golden Globe — and so I want to like this, even though secretly I think hangs on her like meat from a butcher’s hook. And thus I can’t. But for her sake I hold out hope that maybe someone out there did.

However, before you vote on this dress, you need to see what she wore to the Art of Elysium gala this past weekend. Because — and I don’t like to make promises I can’t keep, mind — it will make your head numb.

It’s like I just sucked down the largest Slurpee available and my brain won’t be waking up until Thursday, leaving me to shutter through a bunch of incomplete thoughts. Observe: Is that… did her tanner miss a spot, or is it deodorant under her armpit, or… I don’t… is that the sanitary cloth from her Kind Touch table hanging from her waist? Or… is it backwards? Did she… well, I wish she’d worn this hair with that other dress, for starters, but… At least she got an extra night out of her Golden Globes, if you catch my drift, nudge nudge, wink wink, thunk thunk, and now I’m back in my mind-freeze coma.

Does anyone out there have some good tidings for her Globes dress?

  • I do! I loved it! (2%, 226 Votes)
  • I am trying... so ... hard... (7%, 648 Votes)
  • ... but... can't.... quite... get there... (14%, 1,365 Votes)
  • I am not even trying. Blah. (77%, 7,319 Votes)

Total Voters: 9,558

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