Jessica and I were just discussing how much we like Daisy in both of her Star Wars movies, and what a super face she has — it’s open, it’s likable, and she holds the screen commandingly and often in extreme close-up. (Also, it’s not a spoiler to tell you that Rey has somehow upgraded her makeup game from zero to What’s That Nice Neutral Lipstick in between films.)(But while I’m here: I know the movie is out but let’s avoid The Last Jedi spoilers just in case. It’s the holidays; not everyone has time to rush out to see it.)

So I am confounded by what Glamour did to her here. She looks overtired, a tad puffy, faintly rabbity, and as if her left eye has been moved entirely from where it normally lives. It might even be her right eye, copied and pasted and rotated ever so slightly. The weird 70s urban marching-band clothes are bizarre on her. The muted pink background is the color of a motion-sickness pill I would chew as a kid (and once threw back up onto my Cabbage Patch Kid; my mom had to douse it in Chanel No. 5 to get the smell out because we were on a road trip), so that’s not great, and can we STOP WITH THE COVER GRAFFITI. It’s SO much YAMMERING. My life would go up a level immediately if Glamour stopped screaming at me, and yes, I realized I too got capsy right there but only because that’s the only way they will HEAR US OVER ALL THAT SCRIBBLE-SHOUTING.

But mostly, it’s the face. Daisy Ridley has a super one. So does Katherine Langford of 13 Reasons Why, and this looks like the uncalled-for merger of both of them, without actually being either of them. The only way this makes sense is if Glamour ALSO had to replace a Terry Richardson cover at the last second, and Daisy happened to have hay fever.