Oh sweet God, Jaslene:

DJ Cassidy's Birthday Celebration with special guest Cassie

[Photo: Splash News]

My sweet Cha Cha Diva. My most favorite of the ANTM stable of winners. My darling child.  Why would you do this to me? Why why why why why? Why aren’t you wearing a shirt? Just as a toaster is not pants, and a soap dish is not a purse, a blazer is not a shirt. It just isn’t. I need to know why you’re now dressing like Bai Ling. I fugged Bai Ling yesterday. I know Bai Ling. Jaslene, you are no Bai Ling. Please pull it together immediately. Thank you.